Oppo Consult: 3 McRibs Edition

"VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely" (vajazzlemcdildertits) 10/21/2019 at 16:07 • Filed to: McRib, McDonald's, 3 McRibs, McRippositeLock, oppopinions, Oppopinion time

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Edit: Oppo has spoken, it IS a strange thing to order.  

I have a mild puzzle I am trying to work out, and so far my own experience has not helped me enough. So I’d like some Oppopinions.

I was at McDonalds buying McRibs (They’re gone in early November.) The drive thru line was nuts, so I figured I’d head inside, get it to go, and eat one there, take the other two home and have em later today.

I put in the order with the clerk. I say 3 McRibs, she says how many, I blink and say 3 again. I get my receipt and my number is 284. 3 McRibs and a large drink. No problem so far, I get my drink and sit down literally 6 feet from the cashier.

They’re calling out the numbers with an accent, and my hearing sucks so I’m not the greatest with accents. But I’m hearing them count, I can understand that, so I wait for 284.

“280.... 281.... 282....”

“3 McRibs.” I miss it the first time.

“3 McRibs!” with a bit more urgency. Wait, is she saying 3 McRibs?

“3 McRIBS!” what sounds like a final call. Why the fuck didn’t she just call the number? It’s on the receipt on the bag in front of her.

I grab the bag.

So the question to you, Oppo, is why did everyone else get the number, and I get “3 McRibs?” Is it really that strange of an order?

In light of this consult for this investigation, I will answer any question about myself that’s relevant to this case. And a few that are not relevant.

Ash78, voting early and often > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:10

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You broke the numbering machine by ordering more McRibs at once than anyone in company history.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Ash78, voting early and often 10/21/2019 at 16:11

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There’s a youtube video of someone ordering like 10.

I myself have once ordered 20 in one sitting about 12 years ago and waited for the half hour it took.

3 McRibs isn’t even my biggest order in the last two days. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:12

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Because most people are like this guy.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 10/21/2019 at 16:13

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oh man that takes me back.
50 cents for a soda GOOD LAWD

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:15

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Rib Joint Customer : Ya got any soda?

Hammer : One dollar.

Rib Joint Customer : Aw, c’mon, now! Look out for a brother, man, c’mon, yeah. Check this out: why don’t you let me get a sip for fifteen cents?

Hammer : My cups cost more than fifteen cents!

Rib Joint Customer : All right, fuck the cup. Pour it in my hand for a dime.

Ash78, voting early and often > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:18

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Is this a cry for help? Like where nobody does anything about it, but tomorrow we’re all like “Yeah, we totally saw it coming.”

/s

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:18

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I’m guessing that as a buyer of 3 McRibs, you were assumed to be too insane to be able to remember three digit numbers.

I’m pretty sure that’s racist or something.

In all seriousness, they might have been told to yell numbers, but figured “eh, what the hell” just for you because no other open orders were distinctive like that. If they call numbers, people miss their orders (more false negatives), and if they call descriptions of orders people pick up orders that are almost the same (more false positives). An experienced counter person might recognize that for a distinctive order, the false negatives are just as big using a number but the false positives are almost nil using a description , so...

Your mistake was being “fragile” in a systems sense and trying to wait for only the number.

$kaycog > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:19

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That’s really McDumb.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:23

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VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 10/21/2019 at 16:23

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M y “ fragility” relates to my destroyed hearing, mostly. I was waiting for a number cause everyone else got the number. I want to be treated just like everyone else. I guess that means that I can’t have 3 McRibs if I want to be everyone else. 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Ash78, voting early and often 10/21/2019 at 16:23

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This is a spicy take and way spicier than the sauce on this McRib I’m eating

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 10/21/2019 at 16:24

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I can’t read lips. Is Farva asking for a liter o cola?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > $kaycog 10/21/2019 at 16:25

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I’d like to speak to Ronald McDonald as I have a complaint

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:27

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I was trying to find the, “It’s for a cop,” gif

Future next gen S2000 owner > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:28

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Why would anyone order a McRib, let alone 3?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Future next gen S2000 owner 10/21/2019 at 16:29

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Since they never come back I tend to eat and freeze as many as I can before they’re gone. I can’t afford to travel around targeting  surplus pork futures prices

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:31

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DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:34

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This is fat shaming and defamatory. Contact your local news and billboard lawyer immediately.

neddypot > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:35

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I think you misunderstood the situation. The lady was not calling out an order. She was calling out your name. She had dubbed you "3 McRibs", and was giving you the personal touch of summoning you by name.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > DAWRX - The Herb Strikes Back 10/21/2019 at 16:36

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I mean we’re at at McDonalds dude, all the customers are shaming ourselves just being here.

- Vajazzle “3 McRibs” McDildertits 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > neddypot 10/21/2019 at 16:36

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It’s like 50 Cent, so that’s my new rap name, 3 McRibs

Snuze: Needs another Swede > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:37

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So when should we expect the McRushmore?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Snuze: Needs another Swede 10/21/2019 at 16:37

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Are you asking me to do it? I guess I could do it this evening. 

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:38

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Its like the people that stick around at the bar after the ugly lights are turned on. They know why they're there. 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 10/21/2019 at 16:40

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davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:41

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“take the other two home and have em later today”

Yeah, I think it might be that strange.

Snuze: Needs another Swede > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:42

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As someone who’s done it, I can’t in good conscience ask anyone to do it.

But if you do, pls share.

There’s also a non-zero chance I do it again. Not saying it’s going to happen, but I can’t guarantee that it won’ t.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/21/2019 at 16:45

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I can’t help but agree, but I was thinking it would be worse to go back to McDonalds for two additional meals later. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:55

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Haha - wait, was this order made at breakfast?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 10/21/2019 at 16:58

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It was post breakfast, but closer to brunchy  time. I tend to have late lunches and dinners. 

Chuckles > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 16:59

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You: “I’d like 3 McRibs, please.”

McDonald’s Employee: “Are you sure?”

You:

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:03

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I mean, the first one is inedible, what the hell would someone do with two more? That person was as confused as we are.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:04

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Truth bomb, right here. Especially anyone eating a McRib.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Chuckles 10/21/2019 at 17:05

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I went through Parks and Rec a few months back, and my family won’t stop calling me Ron Swanson.

Admittedly before I watched the show, I have told server staff  in some cases “give me all the iced tea you have.”

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:05

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But they’re terrible. If you love them so much, I think frozen “rib and pink slime” patties formed into a similar shape are available in the freezers of many crappy grocery stores.

benn454 > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:06

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Probably because it was a unique and simple order instead of the usual 2 Xs, 3Ys, and a Z.

The one I go to just calls your name.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/21/2019 at 17:07

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It’s not the same. They’re all about as terrible, but only McDonald’s version makes me want another one. It’s got some X factor I haven’t narrowed down yet. 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > benn454 10/21/2019 at 17:08

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Funny thing, I have another story where people were picking up their orders by name given at time of order, and when they got to mine, the callout was “Eighty” and my name is not 80. 

Chuckles > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:08

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Do you also hide pork around your house and office?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Chuckles 10/21/2019 at 17:09

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I mean, it’s in a secure space. I don’t know about hide , per se

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:10

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The McD version probably has more pink slime. I mean, I once ate one and it made me long for 80s grade school cafeteria food on egg roll day. It was worse than the equivalent fake formed rib sandwich thing they used to serve in the school cafeteria, too.

Kiltedpadre > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:12

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Perhaps the hearing issue is the answer. Maybe you missed them calling your number, and they called out what was in the order in an attempt to get your attention.

As a side note I need to get a couple McRibs before the price of pig   byproducts go up and they go away.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/21/2019 at 17:13

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The pink slime went into chicken nuggets and hasn’t been used since 2013 so I don’t know if you know that.

I enjoyed cafeteria food as a child. But then again, I didn’t always get enough to eat as a child, so I ate what I could. 

Chuckles > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:13

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And how do you feel about fruit?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Kiltedpadre 10/21/2019 at 17:14

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I was wondering that too, but since I was sitting really close by they would have to whisper it before screaming McRib instead. I now think she just really wanted to say 3 McRib. 

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Chuckles 10/21/2019 at 17:17

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I mean I don’t hate it but... 

Kiltedpadre > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:20

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Maybe she’s a McRib super fan and is saying the word as often as possible before they’re gone. The orders before you were full of boring non-cartoon rib shaped meat and weren’t important enough to be called by item.

CB > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:23

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Clearly you just need to keep upping the number of McRibs.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Kiltedpadre 10/21/2019 at 17:26

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There is a truth in this I can’t deny

benn454 > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 17:26

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 Are you sure you haven't done something to offend them?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > benn454 10/21/2019 at 17:28

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You tell me, I waited my turn, said please and thank you, repeated my order without a comment, and got out of everyone else’s way as fast as was possible...

Are they having meetings after hours or something?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > CB 10/21/2019 at 17:31

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Clearly. 

Rich L. > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 21:25

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She swiped her thumb through the BBQ sauce on your order, then held up your receipt, this obscuring the order number.  Did one of your McRibs taste like thumb?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Rich L. 10/21/2019 at 21:31

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TBH without sauce they all taste a little like thumb

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/21/2019 at 21:40

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“Mechanically-separated pork” is the pork equivalent of pink slime...

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 10/22/2019 at 04:26

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That's not completely accurate but why do you care about how gross it is if you're not going to be eating it?

treymok > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/22/2019 at 11:49

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La st year I’d order 10 at a time and I’m pretty sure I was “Ten McRibs”.

wkiernan > VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely 10/26/2019 at 17:36

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My wild-ass guess is that the numbers are for the drive-through orders, a n d for people like you who get out of your cars, they call out the orders differently.

When I go to a McDonalds here in Florida, 95% of the time I go inside, but when my order comes up, sometimes they call out the contents like they did for you (e.g. “double-cheeseburger only onions, small fries”) but other times they just call out the number.

I n c i d e n t a l l y , t h e y h a v e s e v eral s e r i e s o f n u m b ers, e . g . d r i v e - t h rough orders m i g h t be numbers 171 to 176, counter orders m i g h t be 2 8 2 , 2 8 3 , 2 8 4 , 2 8 4 , 2 8 4 h e y m i s t e r w e g o t your McRibs mister!, and Ubereats/Doordash/etc. numbers might be 320-323.